The Top 53 Things I learned from the Dungeons and Dragons Movie

  1. The cartoon is better.
  2. Dwarves are bigots.
  3. Dwarves are as tall as any other species.
  4. Orcs hang with everyone else.
  5. I, too, can have a beholder as a pet.
  6. Dwarves are slobs.
  7. Dwarves are useless.
  8. A spellcasters job is to scream during battle.
  9. Blue lips are cool.
    Marina ponders how she could have been in this movie......
  10. Dragons are common.
  11. Dragons are dumb.
  12. Timat is cool.
  13. Elves got no meat on their bones.
  14. You need dust of a sparkly variety to cast spells.
  15. Snails is alive.
  16. There is no honor among thieves.
  17. The director is an idiot who thinks there will be a sequel.
  18. All mages buy their clothes at the same store.
  19. If you know you need to destroy a magic item, do it when its too late.
  20. If you are queen, you don't need to have facial expressions.
  21. Elves, humans, halfings, are all the same size.
  22. Dark elves are good.
  23. Elves are part of magic.
  24. Mages are better than everyone else.
  25. There are only 2 classes in society--mages and commoners.
  26. Bobby is more useful than Snails.
  27. Eric is more useful than Snails.
  28. Presto is more useful than Snails.
  29. Uni is more useful than Snails.
  30. Thieves are noisy.
  31. There are blue people hanging out with green people.
  32. Castles look like they are animated.
  33. If you get dirty in a battle, you don't clean yourself to the climax of the film.
  34. Dungeonmaster is cool.
  35. Venger is cool.
  36. Dwarves can't get their food in their mouths.
  37. Elves and humans don't know how long each of them live.
  38. Jimmy Olsen is still not cool.
  39. Comic relief can be an entire film.
  40. A dungeon only needs 1 obstacle.
  41. Jeremy Irons can overact with the best of them.
  42. I miss Thora's monkey.
  43. I am embarrased to ever have played DnD after watching the movie.
  44. All armor is shiny.
  45. Axes look like they are made of plastic.
  46. Our adventuring parties are more organized.
  47. Cure light wounds is cast by elves.
  48. Elves where dead people on their faces.
  49. Snails is not cool.
  50. Red dragons and gold dragons can't destory an entire city.
  51. Tiamat can kick all of the dragon's butts.
  52. Gary Gygax is a bad actor.
  53. I want to go on the DnD ride.